It’s 2nd January 2014 (for anyone who is puzzled I wrote this six months ago ~ see page ‘Six Months On’ for a full explanation)
Most days I’m filled with awe and wonder living here in Fife, enjoying the moment, but occasionally I have a dark moment, but it is never long before light streams in to fill the gloom.
When my husband went off to work at 6.45 this morning it was black. Darkness engulfed me and a comment a friend had said the day before haunted me.
‘Home is where the heart is’
Here I was, relocated in Kinghorn, Fife, having given up my job as a teacher for more years than I like to remember, my family who are mainly down in Bedfordshire, my home which we had spent the last seven years lovingly restoring and other losses too personal to write here for everyone to read. The darkness echoed my loss and my husband’s words of the previous evening,
‘What have I done to you?’
answered the echo, as if I was walking through a long tunnel and could not see the end in sight. My mum was soon to have a serious operation and I just longed to be near by and I’m sure this was playing on my mind.
It was my friend’s last day staying here and once she was up we shared photos. Hers were full of people and things she’d achieved and places she’d seen. Mine were full of sunsets, Pettycur in the sun, rain and even fog. She skimmed over them barely noticing the amazing patterns in the sand, worthless to her. I wanted to say,
‘Look closer, they’re so beautiful and different. They give me so much joy and peace!’
We drove over to South Queensferry and we enjoyed looking around the little museum about the Forth Bridge, a nice lunch in one of the many eateries and then I took her to the train station. It was a gloomy day which was such a shame because she did not see Fife at its best.
The following morning a different view met my gaze, my favourite vista of Pettycur. The tide was out, the trails of glistening water making channels through the sand flats beckoning, even the sky overhead was clear blue, that icy shade, seconds before the sun has peeped over the horizon to fill the world with colour. Magical!
My head was swimming with beauty, love, hope and cheerfulness. Sheer bliss.
Now I am filled with the assurance that I am just where I need to be at this very moment in time and I’m thankful!